Melvina’s StoryOthers, Family , Stories
Contributed by: Inner City Youth Alive
Here’s my story: My mother was an amazing woman; she had an awesome smile, and remarkable presence. However, she also had a harder side, an angry side, which we saw when she would drink. She was an alcoholic and would often go out and leave us kids alone. These were period of isolation and darkness. As a child I experienced a lot of the effects from the trauma she experienced as a kid. It was her hurt being drowned out by alcohol. As a result I was mentally, physically, and emotionally abused as a kid. I could never connect with my mom. I just wanted that mother-daughter relationship. Growing up in the inner city I was very isolated. My mother kept me away from people and so I didn’t have any friends. My summers were spent with my grandparents, who were ministers travelling from reserve to reserve sharing the message of Jesus. In this moments, I felt the love of God at a very young age. Going home to isolation and neglect, I would depend on God to comfort me. As a young girl I would talk to him – my best friend was God. I thanked him for always being there for me.
At 15-years old I left home to experience the world for myself. I wanted to run away from my mom. Live my own life. Shortly after I left my mom got sick and passed away. Six months before she passed away, she called me to meet her. I reluctantly went. She told me that her anger towards me was because she was never able to deal with the abuse done to her. I learnt that I was conceived as a result of my mom being raped. My mom never knew how to deal with the trauma she experienced. Her anger was reflected upon me. It became clear, throughout my life I felt unwanted, not loved, and felt like a mistake. For many years after learning this I felt angry – angry at my mom; angry at God; angry with the whole world. As a 17-year old, I rebelled in my anger. I was searching for something, looking for fulfillment, happiness, belonging, and love. I started seeking these in all the wrong places. I felt a false sense of belonged in the world of drugs, alcohol, and gangs. Little did I know, I went from one abusive relationship with my mother to another abusive relationship with a man. I lived in fear, he took everything from me. Again I was in a situation where I was isolated and alone. I felt stuck, lost to the world, angry, and alone. Just like when I was a young girl, I would cry to God. Asking him why I was alone and forsaken? Eventually I became pregnant and God gave me the strength to leave that relationship. I left everything behind and started off with nothing.
I was 20 years old when my son was born and I was immediately changed. God used him to literally save my life. I wanted things to be different for him; for him to never experience the environments of abuse and neglect I lived through. I worked hard to give him a childhood he deserved. I went back to school and graduated and was in a good place.
Looking back I see how my heart became hard to God and a lot of good people. I learnt that a lot of things I never dealt with led to abusive behaviors. But I ultimately never dealt with those issues so I cycled right back into drug addiction. I now became my mom to my own kids! Even after I promised I never would be that person. I was in a dark place, depressed, and isolated yet again. In this moment, I was ready to take my life. I could feel my soul drifting away, telling myself that my kids deserve a better mom, deserve better than me. I took pills and right as I was drifting away into sleep, I cried out to God, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus save me!” I felt Him begin to heal me which took place over many months. It wasn’t easy; it wasn’t easy to face my hurt and issues of anger.
God usually does things in stages. In these stages God healed me of my anger towards my mother. I gave my life to the Lord, and so many things changed after. He continues to heal me, He loves me, and forgives me. He rebuilt me and restored me, and gave back everything the enemy took from me. In this journey I met my wonderful husband at my church. We now have six beautiful children, my oldest son is now 15. We’re on a path of learning who God is and becoming one together. I know that in all my dark and tough stages and challenges, God was there in all of them. He was there with me.
Today Melvina joins the ICYA team as a Community Minister. She has a heart of empathy to see others brought out of darkness and into Jesus’ loving arms of hope and light.